I know last week I said I was going to start using Thursday blog posts to ‘think back’ about life BEFORE motherhood.
However, given that today is BC’s 5th birthday, I have been reflecting a lot this week about life in those very early days AFTER becoming a mum.
I’ve reflected enough here on what happened when BC entered the world without needing to go into much detail again. But, every year around this time I find myself thinking a lot about those early days. Every year it can still bring me to tears, but every year it gets a little bit easier to think about.
This year has been interesting because it’s been the first year that I’ve had quite a few long conversations with BC about his start to life and time in hospital.
He’s been fascinated to hear about the ambulance, the nurses, the machines that beeped and zinged and especially all the tubes and wires that were all over his body helping him stay alive. We looked at some photos and he insisted on me telling him what each wire and tube was doing (I had to wing it a bit 
). He was particularly amazed when I showed him the tiny little scar on his foot associated with one of these tubes.
He’s spent a lot of timemarvelling at that little scar since I showed it to him. I won’t tell him that I remember vividly the two doctors trying to find a vein they could use in his tiny foot. How much he screamed and cried and how desperately I wanted to push the doctors away and rip all the wires and tubes from his body and hold him to my chest. Thinking about that is bringing me to tears, even now. Like I said, it gets easier, but it still hurts.
It’s been healing talking to BC about his time in hospital. I am really hoping that next year, his birthday will just be about celebrating. We’ve come a long way together and like that little scar that will just keep fading, so I hope will the memories of those scary early days.
Today we celebrated BC’s birthday with a small group of family and friends (was great to see you Bron!). We had a wonderful time.
And tomorrow we are off on a family camping trip – our first (BC’s birthday wish). The weather forecast is not promising, but I am sure we’ll have a great time (gumboots are packed)!
Happy Birthday BC. You’re a beautiful boy!!! I love you so much .
Di, brought me to tears too reading that post! so very beautiful and honest and real. BC is such a beautiful little person and I am honoured to know him and watch him grow and develop so wonderfully
will send you some birthday pics soon xo have a great camping holiday! stay dry 
I hope Satria had a great birthday. I can relate to the birthday flashbacks…I think it is normal – well maybe not normal, but not unexpected when you’ve been through a traumatic experience. I have flashbacks around the girls birthday too. Each year they get less and less – I guess we will have to wait and see if they ever go away completely!
Glad to hear his birthday was a good day for him with his family and friends.
You bring me to tears often! It’s such a vivid portrait of wanting to rip those tubes out and hold him to your chest. I remember wishing to do that too with Sebastian…BC looks fabulous! Happy Birthday to such a happy boy! I can’t wait to read about your camping trip. I have so much to catch up on your blog since I’ve been going non-stop the past two months! But now we are back in Cairo, things will settle down and I can read all about life with you and your boys!