I have two boys. One is 3 and a half, and the other turned 1 two weeks ago.
And now, one of my boys has learnt to walk independently. This is great. It’s a wonderful milestone to have achieved. I am thrilled, excited and proud.
It also makes me a little sad.
My walking boy is 1. He has been trying for weeks to move off on his own, away from the furniture and his little trolley full of blocks. So yes, he’s worked hard to figure it out and build up those little leg muscles and his confidence. And well done!
BUT then there’s his big brother. He is hard working, enthusiastic and energetic. He embraces physical activity and relishes any chance that he can get to help get his body doing what he wants it to do.
But his body just won’t – yet.
And me, the mum who like any mum just wants the very best for her children just thinks it’s not fair.
It’s not fair that the scales have now tipped.
They’ve only tipped a little. There’s still lots and lots of things that the big brother can do that his little brother can’t. And we will of course continue to celebrate each of their own unique milestones and achievements. And I know that how long it takes to do something isn’t really that important – nor is it the be all and end all if some achievements are never made – but now the scales have tipped I’m learning of a new challenge I need to face as a mother of a child with a disability – one which I’m not quite sure I can put into words.
Is it because I am now waiting for the big brother to ask me why he can’t do things that his little brother can?
Is it because I now can see how easy it is for a ‘normal’ child to achieve goals – does that make me frustrated that the big brother has to work so hard to and we have to put so many hours, money and effort into therapy?
Is it because I am frustrated that any sadness should be twinged with the joy I feel for my baby boy’s achievements?
Or is it because I know that I just can’t, shouldn’t, musn’t make comparisons between the two of them but that I don’t know how to not?
Whatever the case, we’ll muddle through. And as always, look at the bright side. At least the big brother won’t have to fight with his little brother any more for rights to his Kaye Walker.
And as soon as I can figure out how to do it, I will just throw the scales away. And get back to just unreservedly enjoying both my wonderful boys ;-).